the haps

Interesting (to me, anyway) and random events from the past few weeks:

Crazy Weather
We had a solar eclipse (about 70% here in Korea) yesterday, but it was so overcast that you could barely even tell. I really hope I'm not jinxing myself by saying this, but we've had unseasonably cool (read: livable) weather so far this month. Last year, July 5th was the beginning of almost two solid months of "air conditioning weather": hot, sticky, yuck.

Couch Surfing 101
After Matthew invited home a random Dutch backpacker he met at the bus stop several weeks ago, we decided that hosting couch-surfers actually works okay for our family. Since changing our status to allow guests, we've had a Swiss tourist and two expat English teachers from Seoul stay with us. Since Matthew's profile clearly states that we have two young children, we've had guests who like kids. We have another American coming this weekend, and could easily end up hosting all summer unless we decline.

When Halmonis (grandmothers) attack:
One Saturday afternoon, we got on a bus going downtown. Since Matthew was carrying the stroller, I was carrying Rowan and holding Liam's hand. There were no open seats and no one moved to give theirs up, so I instructed Liam to hold on to the handle corner of one seat, while I held one of the handle ring hanging from the ceiling. I heard the voice of an older woman, and caught a few familiar words including "baby" before one of the middle school boys right by us got up. I helped Liam sit down. The voice became a little more persistent and another boy surrendered his seat. I sat down and turned to the woman who had been speaking. I thanked her, which let her know that I understood at least some of what she was saying. That was all the encouragement she needed. She became louder, haranguing the boys for all to hear. The gist of her lecture was, "When a woman with children gets on the bus, you give up your seat now, now, NOW!" They didn't look at her, but kept their eyes downcast, which is the proper way to respond to a scolding. When she got off the bus, I gave her a little nod (head bow) and smiled. Sometimes halmonis totally rock.

And I learned...
...Fenugreek (a "galactagogue," which sounds like something off of Star Trek) is apparently illegal in South Korea. (That doesn't mean that foreigners don't bring it in, or that they aren't willing to share extra.)
...how to say "It's not f***ing cold" really, really politely. Will I ever actually say that to an overly-pushy halmoni who insists my child is improperly dressed? Probably not, but knowledge is power, right?
...it feels really good to squirt kids with a super-soaker when they call me waegook (foreigner). (It was a one-time thing. Liam was using some girl's super soaker and I had just finished helping him with something on it. These kids have seen me many times before, so it was just ridiculous. Maybe I should start carrying a squirt gun with me for that purpose.)
...gim is really good wrapped around rice and tuna salad (tuna + mayonnaise). It's my minimalist/ghetto version of chamchi (tuna) gimbap.

KOREA SPARKLING!

Dear Korean Tourism Organization,

I've seen your KOREA SPARKLING ad campaign and read that you hope to attract 10 million tourists to South Korea by 2010. You're quickly approaching that deadline, so I have some suggestions for making South Korea a bit more tourist-friendly.

Don't get me wrong, South Korea is a beautiful country. The geography alone is stunning. The traditional architecture and Buddhist temples are fascinating. Korea has a rich history and culture, which are well-documented at various museums and monuments throughout the country. I hear the shopping is fantastic, although that's not really "a cup of my tea." And, not to be ignored, Korea has a flair for the quirky: penis parks, museums dedicated to random collections (i.e. the Edison & Gramophone Museum in Gangnueng), odd theme restaurants and bars (like the odd metal spaceship-esque bar here in Sokcho), etc.

However, there are a few things you could do to clean up Korea a bit and make it, um, sparkle more.

1. Put in public garbage cans (AKA rubbish bins). There is a dearth of places to throw away trash in public areas. (Bus stops are the exception.) As a result, there is garbage everywhere. The other day, my family was riding the gatbae across Lake Cheungcho. An elderly woman finished her yogurt drink and tossed the plastic container into the lake. The city playground near my apartment is always covered in trash, including broken soju bottles. Conveniently placed garbage cans would alleviate this unsightly issue.

2. Replace more of the squat toilets. Squat toilets are the bane of my existence here in Korea. I'm sure many foreigners (especially of the female gender) feel the same way. Some restrooms, such as the one at our local intercity bus terminal, have a stall marked "Foreigners Only" with a Western-style toilet. However, this stall is often occupied by Koreans, so obviously the local people also prefer not having to hunker down on their haunches to relieve themselves.

3. Educate people about the proper care of pets, dogs in particular. Puppies are cute and entertaining, but they do grow up. Adult dogs need to be bathed and walked. Westerners do not like to see beautiful, but filthy, dogs tied up on 2 foot ropes. Seeing dogs ill-treated reminds us that some Koreans still eat dog, and we know that you want the world to forget that.

None of these changes detract from the Korean experience, but instead allow Korea to truly sparkle.

Kind regards,
Legal alien #******-666****
(That's really part of my ID number. I can't make this stuff up.)

Note to self: stop falling down

Some women get clutzier when they're pregnant. I guess I'm naturally clutzy enough that I can't get any worse. I never tripped or fell when I was pregnant with Liam. I blame Liam completely for the fact that I've now fallen twice, in public, in the past month.

The first time, I was walking with Liam on a rainy, dismal day. I remember that it was the day of my friend Aubrey's birthday party and we were returning from the stationary shop where I'd gotten a card and ribbon for her gift. We'd also picked up Liam's favorite little fish-shaped, custard-filled (shuga-cream in Konglish) breads. Liam was tired, which he proved after we got home by throwing a stupid fit (over the fish bread) and then falling asleep on my lap. So, on the way home, he wanted me to carry him, something I've been doing less and less lately. Because of the toddler perched on my protruding belly, I couldn't see the curb very well, came down on my ankle wrong, and fell, dropping my child and the bag with the fish bread.

Why is this worth blogging about? Because there was an older woman walking by who saw the whole thing, saw that I was obviously pregnant, saw that I dropped my child who was then crying, and did NOTHING. She was not feeble-old or helpless-old, just grandmotherly. She didn't even ask if I was okay. She just stared at me for a moment and then kept walking, before I was even collected and off the ground.

Yes, I added this to my "list of slights," an imaginary list that I invented once in conversation with my friend Jen. I'm taking back what I previously said about old people in Korea being extremely courteous. Apparently that only applies when others are around to see them being nice to the foreigners.

This past week, I was walking down the sloped sidewalk in front of my apartment with Liam. He was holding my hand and started running, then fell down. He somehow took me down with him. So there we were, sprawled on the sidewalk, checking out our scrapes, and I looked up. A girl was standing at the end of the sidewalk just staring at us. In Korean, I said to her, "What? What are you looking at? Go!" Then in English, "What are you looking at? Foreigners fall down, too." She looked surprised and walked away. (She might have been surprised because I yelled at her. She might have been surprised because I spoke Korean. Or she might have been surprised because I said, "Mul ba?" which is the way gangsters in Korean movies ask "What are you looking at?")

I know that I'm a cranky pregnant woman. I understand that's just the way Koreans are in general, and specifically around foreigners who don't really fit into the social strata. That doesn't stop me from getting very, very, very irritated. So obviously, I just need to stop falling down. That will solve the problem. (And I still say it's all Liam's fault.)

a few more thoughts about old people

I forgot to mention in my previous post on this topic that old women often push their groceries and other packages around in stripped down baby strollers. The covers and padding are usually gone, leaving just the plastic frames. Matthew thinks they also function as a type of walker, since U.S.-style walkers would be much too slow for the grandmothers as they zip around.

I feel I should also mention that old people here are the group most likely to give up their seat on the bus for Liam & I. (The next most likely group are women in their 20s and 30s. Teenagers are the least likely, in their own little world with their headphones on most of the time.) I have declined ("Kontenio." That's okay.) when the seat is offered by a frail-looking old person. Come on, I don't need the seat THAT badly!

I'm done.

This is the final chapter in the Bossy Grandmother saga, because I've dealt with her for the last time.

When Liam and I got into the elevator early this morning (en route to the beach), she was there. She suddenly realized that I'm pregnant, although I swear she asked me the first time I encountered her. Maybe she thought I hadn't lost my baby weight from Liam, or maybe she pesters so many foreign women with toddlers that she has me confused. (That was sarcasm, as I think I'm the only foreign woman in town with a toddler.) At any rate, she proceeded to tell me that Liam is too young for me to have another baby. I said he's 20 months now. The new baby isn't due until January. They'll be 25 months apart. I don't know why I bothered. She kept insisting that they're too close together. "Whatever," I said in English as I fled the elevator.

What an evil, toxic woman. She has never said a positive word to me, other than to refer to my son as "friend" (chingu) when talking to her grandson. (All Koreans seem to do this when they have a toddler anywhere near Liam's age.)

So I'm done. When I see her from now on, I'm going to ignore her. I don't speak or understand any Korean when she's around. That's one perk of being a foreigner.

I've figured out...

The bossy grandmother that I talked about in my old folks post is my honorary Korean mother-in-law.

One day, Matthew, Liam and I got into the elevator to head down to the park for an evening stroll. Bossy Grandma was already in the elevator with Little Chunk in his stroller. She scolded us for not having Liam in a stroller. "You can't carry him everywhere," seemed to be her argument. We pantomimed that he walks most of the time. Matthew was a bit surprised by her behavior, until I told him that she is the grandmother who tells me everything I'm doing wrong with Liam.

The sad thing is that Little Chunk is probably her son's little boy, meaning that her actual daughter-in-law has to put up with CONSTANT nagging. I'm assuming that she also works, considering how often I see Grandma Bossy with Little Chunk. That poor, poor woman that I don't even know.

Recently, Matthew ran into Bossy Grandma in the elevator, minus Little Chunk. She seemed to be complaining to him about how Little Chunk pinches her, as she was showing him bruises. I know it's evil of me, but I had to chuckle. I wonder if her daughter-in-law has trained Little Chunk to pinch Bossy Grandma.

old folks

I think in any society, the older people are the most eccentric, but this is definitely true in Korea. A lot of older people here really show their age. When you consider how far South Korea has come since the devastation of Japanese occupation and then civil war, this country really has been built on the backs of the older generation. This is literally evident in the stooped backs of some of the older women. I suppose I notice it particularly in the older women because there don't seem to be as many older men. I'm assuming that the average lifespan is longer for women than for men, as it is in most of the world. Soju (AKA "Korean vodka" probably helps those odds.)

Here are some of the more interesting encounters and observations I've had:

I often see a rather frail-looking older man getting his daily exercise. He is the slowest power-walked I have ever seen. It's as if someone shot a video of a normal person power-walking, arms pumping away, etc, and then slowed it waaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy ddddddddddoooooooooowwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnnnnn. But the point is, he's out there. More power to him.

In the traditional market, there is one aisle with particularly crazy old women. The craziest of the crazies has on more than one occasion, grabbed (or tried to grab) Liam by the wrists. I'm not 100% sure what she wants to do with him, as it turns into a power-struggle between my 30 pound son and the old woman. Matthew has had to intervene with a respectful, but forceful "ani-yo" (no). Liam is learning to stick close to me when we go through that area.

Old people get suited up in full hiking gear to hit Mt. Seorak or Mt. Cheongdae: matching hiking vest and pants, with the legs tucked into Nordic-style hiking socks, which in turn are tucked into expensive hiking boots, with high-tech backpacks and hiking sticks at hand.

Matthew came home somewhat alarmed and somewhat amused the other day. As he had been waiting for the elevator, a grandmother who lives on the first floor had fallen. He asked if she was okay, but felt he should tell someone, as there were no other adults around. Our building ajashi (doorman or security guard, roughly) wasn't in his little room, so Matthew ran over to the next building, found their ajashi, and pantomimed to him that a halmoni had fallen. They ran back, where the ajashi attended to the woman. The adolescent that rode up the elevator with Matthew informed him that halmoni had been hitting the soju. Aaaaahhhh...

This revelation shed some light on another incident that happened the previous week.

MinJeong and I had been watching the boys play outside my building. The ajashis have recently put up fences made of wooden stakes and heavy ropes, presumably to keep foot traffic off future plantings. An old woman shuffled by and asked MinJeong a question. She translated for me that the woman asked if Liam and JunMin are twins. (See the photo below for evidence that this was a ridiculous question.) Before I could ask if the woman was joking, she stumbled and fell to her knees, catching herself on the new rope fence. MinJeong helped her to her feet and made sure she was okay. As the woman shuffled off, I asked for clarification. "No," MinJeong said, "I don't think she was joking." I quipped that if they are twins, Liam must be an albino. It puzzled me at the time, but the weird question and fall all make more sense when soju is at work.

Another (more sober) grandmother from our building takes her grandson (two months older than Liam) to the playground. Since most toddlers aren't taken to the playground, I give her full credit for that. However, the first time I encountered her, she felt the need to lecture me (in Korean, of course) about everything that I should be doing differently. Now, my Korean isn't very good, but between her pantomiming and a little translation from some kids, this is what I understood. I should not put shorts on Liam, since he will scrape his knees when he falls. (Then she pointed out that he already had a scab on one knee.) This was a warm day, but her grandson was dressed in long sleeves and long pants. When the boys collided, Liam fell down, scraped his knee again, and of course proved her point. She continued to lecture me as I comforted my crying son and put a bandage on his knee. Liam also should not be wearing sandals, but instead should wear sneakers like her grandson. (I'm not sure of the reason on this one...possibly a tripping hazard.) He shouldn't play in the dirt. He shouldn't climb playground equipment. Either I should make him sit down or I should stop chasing him around so much. After trying to be gracious, I began replying "conten-eyo" (it's okay) and walking away.

This encounter really rubbed me the wrong way, but I should mention that it's an exception, rather than the norm. Most grandparents (and parents) at the playground are content to greet me and that's about it.